I wish I only lived at night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
