i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize