You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
