he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I checked into jail on foursquare
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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