I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
