Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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