kristin has been a bad kristin
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
