Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize