I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize