operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
