There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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