Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
