my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
