i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
