I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We need to rekindle our bromance
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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