i'm signing you up for texting rehab
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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