literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
