Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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