If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
