The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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