O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
