they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
