I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
