Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
