ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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