What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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