1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
