i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
