The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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