Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Bring me that man meat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
