don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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