he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
