shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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