Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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