I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
