K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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