I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
