This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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