I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
