Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
