Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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