Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
