I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
