What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
