how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
