The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
