I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize