had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
