we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
