very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
