My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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