i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
