I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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