Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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