ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm passing your future prison.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
