dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i already hear my dad disowning me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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