my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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