you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
