i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
