and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
