I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
