Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize